I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
