Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
