your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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