I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
