I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
