he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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