the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
