is your mom at the bar?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
