can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
