Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
