alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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