i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
