I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
