no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
