Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
