I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
