Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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