I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Mom said you looked used
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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