he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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