you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
