Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
