Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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