She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
