i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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