A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
