Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
