I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
