Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
