I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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