I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
