I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
