It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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