Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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