I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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