Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
