there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
