Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
