Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
