I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
