Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
