We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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