imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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