I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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