I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
