Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
