Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
