you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
