shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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