just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
