with your own penis?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
