i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
