last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
