took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
