I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
