Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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